I’m a long-time fan of Louise Hay who is big on affirmations for emotional and physical healing. And according to Louise and co-author David Kessler of You Can Heal Your Heart, understanding what kind of loss you’re experiencing can sometimes help you find your best self in the situation. Especially if you use these specific affirmations.
1. Complicated Loss
To put it simply, complicated loss is any loss that is complicated by other factors. Most of us know that we will experience loss when a relationship naturally ends. When two people mutually agree on separation and divorce, that is an uncomplicated loss. When the death of an elderly relative happens in an expected way, after a good, long life, that is also an uncomplicated loss.
Everyone’s lives are complicated and so are their losses, of course. Losses become complicated when you don’t expect them to happen. In other words, the loss was a surprise. But no matter how complex, the possibility for healing is always there. Check out these examples of how we can change our thinking.
In a relationship, when one person wants a separation and the other doesn’t, you can add this to your thinking: “While I don’t understand this separation now, I will accept it as a reality so the healing can begin.”
This same thinking can be used with divorce: “I don’t believe we need to divorce, but my husband wants to (or, my wife has filed the papers). While I don’t agree with it, I do believe that we choose our own destiny, and my partner has chosen his (or hers). Everyone has a right to choose to be in a marriage or not.”
Remember that while the loss may be complicated, the healing doesn’t have to be.
2. Loss in Limbo
Here are some examples of loss in limbo. After the third break in a relationship, a couple might say, “The separation is killing us. We wish we could make this work or finally end it for good.”
A helpful affirmation for this may be: “This separation will reveal helpful information. This relationship will grow or end in its own time.”
Wondering if there is going to be a loss can feel as bad as suffering a loss itself. Life sometimes forces you to live in limbo, not knowing if you will experience loss or not. You may have to wait several hours to hear if your loved one’s surgery went well, or days until a loved one is out of a coma. You may wait in limbo for hours, days, weeks, or even longer when a child is missing.
The families of soldiers missing-in-action are often wrenched by decades of living in limbo. And years later, those left behind still haven’t resolved their losses and may not be able to do so until they learn the truth. But that information may never come. Being in the limbo of loss is, in itself, a loss.
But in the storm, you can find a port. During the limbo of loss, you’ll probably scare yourself with the worst possible outcomes. You don’t know how you’ll survive if this loss actually happens. In these situations, you can become paralyzed and are no help at all to others or yourself.
A healing affirmation for this situation is: “Even though I do not know the whereabouts of my loved one, I trust that he or she is safely cared for in the loving hands of God.”
In a breakup, for example, you might think, “I must get him back; I’m not ready for this to end.” Well, think again! What if instead you said to yourself: “I may not know the outcome, but life loves me, and I will be fine with him or without him.”
If you’re having a hard time breaking up with someone, try saying this to yourself: “If I am not the one for her, someone else is! Let me get out of the way so that they can come together.”
Cool Mona Note: There’s 1 more type of loss to learn about and that comes tomorrow. Love that Louise Hay.